exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize