Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
