He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We are all done wearing pants today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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