Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
