I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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