Michael Bay diarrhea
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
