Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
