You're so nebulous sometimes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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