I will die if light touches me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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