Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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