You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
