I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
