I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
