apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
only you would photoshop your dick
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
