Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
