I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
