Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize