sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
