Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
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Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.