I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dating After Heartbreak
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.