my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.