Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
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All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.