i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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