Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
