the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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