Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
