I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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