I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Boobs speak an international language.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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