Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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