eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
