ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?