we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...