i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties