I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Is Oprah even human
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.