So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
