It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
