; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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