just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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