does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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