It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
