dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
