you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
