Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
