If that was your dad, he is hot
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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