Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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