Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
