I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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