She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
