i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
