you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
