So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
