What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
