I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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