Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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