Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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