By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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