i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
