I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
this hospital has no fireball
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
