Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
