i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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