when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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