i wish my penis had a tongue
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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