Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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