I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
