dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Screwed.edu
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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