is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
