Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
