I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
