Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
